A Potluck Story
Visitor and two hosts enter, holding paper plates and plastic forks.
They approach a table which the table of potluck food, although
there are no other props, and the food on the table is imaginary.
Actors will look at, pick up, and read labels on this imaginary food.
Host 1 is trying to make a good impression, and is more and more
embarrassed as the skit progresses. Host 2 is having fun, and
approves of the food thoroughly. Visitor approaches the potluck table
with enthusiasm, which turns to confusion, and finally to distaste.
Visitor--Thanks for inviting me to your
church--I really liked it. And why didn't you tell me you had a
dinner afterward? I could have at least picked up some KFC.
Host 1--Oh that's all right. We wouldn't want you to bring anything. You're our guest.
Host 2--And besides, we don't serve any meat at our potlucks.
Visitor--You mean you're all vegetarians?
Host 1--Yes
Host 2--No
Host 1--What I mean is, we like to eat vegetarian, because it's healthier, and we really care about health here.
Visitor--Oh, I get it. Because meat has all that fat and cholesterol?
Host 1--Exactly. So we eat other things for our proteins.
Visitor (reading a label on a dish)--"Tofu cheese loaf"?
Host 1 (embarrassed)--Yeah, um, why don't you try these? I made them--gluten-free oat burgers.
Visitor--These? (Pointing)
Host 2--No, those are the gluten burgers.
Visitor--I'm confused. And what's this? (Picking up something, and sounding out the word on the label) Veg-a-naise?
Host 1--That's like mayonnaise, it's just made without the egg.
Host 2--Since eggs are so bad for you.
Visitor--But aren't those deviled eggs over there?
Host 1--Well, yes, but--
Host 1--Oh that's all right. We wouldn't want you to bring anything. You're our guest.
Host 2--And besides, we don't serve any meat at our potlucks.
Visitor--You mean you're all vegetarians?
Host 1--Yes
Host 2--No
Host 1--What I mean is, we like to eat vegetarian, because it's healthier, and we really care about health here.
Visitor--Oh, I get it. Because meat has all that fat and cholesterol?
Host 1--Exactly. So we eat other things for our proteins.
Visitor (reading a label on a dish)--"Tofu cheese loaf"?
Host 1 (embarrassed)--Yeah, um, why don't you try these? I made them--gluten-free oat burgers.
Visitor--These? (Pointing)
Host 2--No, those are the gluten burgers.
Visitor--I'm confused. And what's this? (Picking up something, and sounding out the word on the label) Veg-a-naise?
Host 1--That's like mayonnaise, it's just made without the egg.
Host 2--Since eggs are so bad for you.
Visitor--But aren't those deviled eggs over there?
Host 1--Well, yes, but--
Host 2 appears to suddenly notice
the (imaginary) deviled eggs, and eagerly serves 2 or 3 onto their
plate.
Visitor--You know, maybe I'll have salad. Do you have salads?
Host 1--Right here. Here's a Ramen noodle salad, and a taco salad, though I guess that one's mostly ranch dressing.
Visitor—Is that a fruit salad? It looks like Cool Whip and canned oranges.
Host 2 (proudly)--And marshmallows!
Visitor--You know, I'm really not all that hungry. Maybe I could just have a cup of coffee.
Host 1 and 2(gasping and dropping their plates)--COFFEE?!
*Please note--this script is for entertainment only. I am seriously not making a statement about what we eat or what we should eat. That's between you and your conscience. And, of course, the church-kitchen police.
Visitor--You know, maybe I'll have salad. Do you have salads?
Host 1--Right here. Here's a Ramen noodle salad, and a taco salad, though I guess that one's mostly ranch dressing.
Visitor—Is that a fruit salad? It looks like Cool Whip and canned oranges.
Host 2 (proudly)--And marshmallows!
Visitor--You know, I'm really not all that hungry. Maybe I could just have a cup of coffee.
Host 1 and 2(gasping and dropping their plates)--COFFEE?!
*Please note--this script is for entertainment only. I am seriously not making a statement about what we eat or what we should eat. That's between you and your conscience. And, of course, the church-kitchen police.